Sept. 8, 2026
Contact: Janese Heavin, heavinj@missouri.edu
For millions of Americans, Sept. 11, 2001, is a vivid memory. For younger generations, it’s a history lesson.
This week, scenes from that day will be replayed on screens across the country as the nation remembers the 25th anniversary of the attacks. For young children, those images can be confusing and scary. For parents, navigating the questions and conversations that follow can be tricky.
Haley Horstman, a professor at the University of Missouri’s College of Arts and Science and director of the Mizzou Story Lab, studies family communication. Her research team recently examined how parents talk with their children about 9/11.
We asked her what the research can teach families about discussing difficult events and passing their stories from one generation to the next.
Should parents bring up 9/11 with children, or wait for their children to ask about it?
Horstman: Our study showed that many parent-child conversations about 9/11 do start with parents answering children’s questions or reacting to something they see in the media. That’s a great way to start talking about it because it shows parents what children are curious about.
However, waiting to talk about it until their child asks a question may inadvertently send the message that discussing historical tragedies like 9/11 – or other difficult topics – is off-limits. Children may have questions but not know how to ask, or they might not feel comfortable broaching the subject.
So, because we know that the anniversary is approaching, bringing up 9/11 will send children the message that conversations are welcome. That’s particularly important with something like 9/11, which children may learn about at school or encounter in the media and be unsure how to make sense of it.
Parents should consider their child’s age, maturity, emotional capacity and interest when deciding how to start the conversation. The goal isn’t necessarily to sit children down for a formal discussion but to make sure they know it’s something they can discuss openly.
How should conversations about 9/11 change depending on a child’s age?
Horstman: One of our biggest findings is that parents consider their child’s age, temperament, maturity and emotional capacity when deciding how, or whether, to discuss 9/11.
Parents described shielding their children from some aspects of 9/11. Some parents talked about keeping their children from graphic images, while others avoided more complex issues of 9/11 that they felt their children were not yet ready to understand.
The important point is that parents don’t necessarily need to tell children everything about 9/11 at once. They can adjust the conversation as children grow and become better able to understand the historical, emotional and political complexity of the event.
How much detail do children need to know about what happened?
Horstman: Based on our findings and other research, we suggest that parents try to find a balance between openness and protection.
Previous research suggests young children can become particularly focused on gruesome or upsetting details, which can heighten fear and grief. Protecting children from information they are not ready to process is appropriate.
At the same time, completely avoiding a difficult historical event can leave children without the context they need when they encounter it elsewhere. Children growing up in the United States will encounter 9/11 as part of the country’s history, and parents can help them understand what happened while protecting them from details they are not ready to process.
For parents who remember 9/11 themselves, how much should they share about their own experiences and emotions?
Horstman: Our study focused on parents who lived through and remember 9/11 and now have children who were born afterward. For these children, much of what they know about 9/11 comes through their parents’ stories and the media.
Our findings, along with past research, suggest that parents often do tell their personal stories of 9/11. Stories help children understand what it was like to live through a historic event and give them a connection to an otherwise abstract and surreal moment in history. Personal stories allow parents to help their children understand 9/11 and its effects through the lens of their own lived experiences. For ethnic and religious minority parents in our study, these stories also provided opportunities to share perspectives and lessons shaped by their families’ post-9/11 stressors and experiences.
In general, research also shows that younger generations often want to hear stories from their parents and grandparents so they can connect to their family roots and learn what it was like to experience historical events. So, tell your stories!
