Nov. 18, 2025
Contact: Eric Stann, StannE@missouri.edu
The holiday season is often filled with joy, traditions and family gatherings — but it can also bring stress and tension. Kale Monk, an associate professor of human development and family science in Mizzou’s College of Education and Human Development, offers advice on how families can make the holidays more meaningful and less stressful.
Q: What makes holiday gatherings and traditions so meaningful for families?
The holidays give families a chance to step away from their usual routines and spend meaningful, intentional time together. Traditions — the activities and customs repeated as a family — help build a shared identity and a sense of connection, while also providing comfort through familiarity. That said, it’s OK to adapt or change traditions if they no longer work for your family. Being flexible can be appreciated, and trying something new can be fun.
Sometimes, we have high expectations of how the holidays should be, and we might be disappointed if we aren’t realistic.
Q: How can families strengthen connections during the holidays, especially if they don’t see each other often during the year?
The holidays give us a structured time to really look for ways to carve out meaningful time together. That might mean putting our phones away and being fully present. It’s about quality time, not just quantity. If shopping or meal prep feels overwhelming, share these responsibilities with others so one person isn’t carrying all the load and the stress that often comes with it.
Q: What are some ways to help ease tension during gatherings?
If family gatherings feel stressful, it can help to set clear boundaries about how much time you’ll spend together and which topics to avoid. Plan with relatives ahead of time to set expectations and prevent conflict. Save sensitive conversations for another day so the holidays can be spent simply enjoying each other’s company. Holidays can also be difficult after a loss, but acknowledging grief and finding ways to honor loved ones — such as sharing memories or including small traditions in their name — can help families cope and keep their presence felt during the season.
Q: What advice would you give to families wanting to create joyful, memorable holiday experiences?
Research shows that novel, fun or exciting activities bring people closer together. Think about what your family enjoys doing: maybe it’s a trivia night, a walk together or playing games such as cards or charades. In my family, we’ve added silly challenges like balloon popping races and hotdog tossing competitions — the more ridiculous, the better! New “traditions” not only create laughter and joy, but they can also help break tension and strengthen a shared sense of connection.
Q: Why is it important to make space for friends and family during the holidays, even when life feels busy or stressful?
Joyful experiences with loved ones don’t just make the holidays memorable — they also have lasting effects on our overall well-being. Positive connections can help reduce stress, strengthen our sense of belonging and even provide resilience when life gets tough. When we look back, we rarely remember what we ate or the perfectly wrapped gift. What we remember are the moments of laughter, the stories shared and the sense of closeness. Prioritizing those things can carry us forward long after the holidays are over.
