By Eric Stann
May 6, 2025
Contact: Eric Stann, StannE@missouri.edu
Got cold feet before making wedding vows? You're not alone — and a lot of people are turning to Reddit to share their premarital doubts and feelings with complete strangers.
A new study from researchers at the University of Missouri and University of New Hampshire shows that Reddit, a popular social media platform where users can post anonymously, is providing a natural sounding board for people to express their thoughts and concerns about getting married before standing at the altar.
“We saw that people seemed more comfortable being open about their unease on Reddit,” Kale Monk, associate professor in Mizzou’s College of Education and Human Development and lead researcher, said. “They’re not just venting — they’re asking for real advice from strangers who aren’t personally involved in their lives.”
Monk said people use Reddit to talk about everything from major red flags to smaller frustrations and feelings of uncertainty — topics they might not feel comfortable or safe sharing with family or friends due to fear of judgment or pressure.
This kind of open, candid sharing helped researchers better understand what people are going through right before marriage — something one of Monk’s earlier studies, which outlined the benefits of delaying a wedding, couldn’t capture.
“In our previous research, we interviewed people who had already called off their engagements, but hindsight is often 20/20,” he said. “With Reddit, we’re seeing in real time what people are thinking and feeling, as they’re still trying to actively decide what to do.”
While most Reddit commenters encouraged people to break off their relationships if they had serious doubts, many also advised thinking ahead, imagining the wedding day and life together after it, before making the big decision.
Researchers also found that people on Reddit often tried to talk themselves into staying, especially if they were afraid of hurting their partner. This differed from Monk’s earlier study, where people were retrospectively talking about their relationships after they already ended the engagement, and they were not trying to protect their former partner or justify being in a relationship that provided concerns.
To gather data for the current study, Monk and colleagues — including alumni and current graduate and undergraduate students at Mizzou — used a computer program to search for specific keywords in Reddit posts, such as “cold feet” and “left at the altar.” Then posts were evaluated to determine if they were written by people experiencing premarital hesitation or thinking about calling off their engagement.
Monk said existing research on divorce indicates that issues leading to the dissolution of a marriage are often present earlier in the relationship before the wedding occurs. By focusing on the time just before marriage, he hopes to better understand the fears and concerns people face before making such a big commitment.
“Knowing the early warning signs could provide opportunities to intervene through support or informed reconsideration before partners get locked into a legal marriage that would require a divorce to end — which can be difficult, costly and painful,” he said.
While Reddit can be a place to help people sort their pre-wedding jitters, Monk said it's still important to speak with a professional if someone has premarital doubts.
“Getting advice from strangers online might feel comforting, but it’s not always reliable,” he said. “A trained therapist can help you figure out whether your concerns are serious or something you can work through — and that’s a lot better than waiting until after the wedding when things are harder to undo.”
“Lifting the veil: Exploring premarital hesitation and engagement dissolution consideration,” was published in the Journal of Marriage and Family. Co-authors are Tyler Jamison at the University of New Hampshire and Matthew A. Ogan, Karen E. Talley, Dawson E. Boron, Jennifer L. Harper, Amber Haas and Lauren Huff at Mizzou. Jamison is also a Mizzou alumna.
